The Journey I've Been Given

“I decided to stop focusing on what was taken away, and contemplate what I’ve been given.”
Okay, maybe not a direct quote, but that’s the way I heard it. Being grateful isn’t exactly a new thought, so why, on this day, did it grip me so hard?

I’ve dwelled in this depth of sadness for so long that I’ve almost made a home here. I’ve logged hours on this couch. Lying in bed, unable to sleep. Listening to music, but for months, unable to sing. Is it time to move out, or do I really want to stay here, listening to my same sad thoughts? But “focus on what you’ve been given” sounds so ‘self-help’ tonight, and yet that quote continues to roll around in my head. Really...will acknowledging all that I’ve been given take away the hurt? If I focus on the experiences, moments with loved ones, circumstances I’ve been given, am I just avoiding the ache, only to have it well up in me again? Or. Will it teach me? Will it mold my thoughts? Can simply acknowledging these events help? Or will voicing my gratitude change the tape in my head?

I’ve had a life filled with hilarious and embarrassing moments, not previously recorded...this would be a perfect outlet for those unexpected and often unbelievable life experiences. I could be so light and breezy with my writing if I left out the last year or so. But that would only be part of my journey. That would be leaving out my highest high and lowest low. Maybe in time, it will be easier to share that, too.

For now, I think I’ll just start writing and stop thinking so much. Maybe if I just start recording my journey, I’ll connect the random thoughts in my brain to learn the lessons and see the blessings a little sooner. A grown-up’s dot-to-dot, created just for me. I could use a little direction.
I guess, ideally, this safari (Swahili for journey) might not be so random, but the name myeasycomfortableandcompletelyfiguredoutjourney.blogspot.com was already taken.